I really thought that the recently upped Hitman trailer would’ve changed some minds, but apparently internet folk can only get dumber. So, because my mind feels like hot apple soda and stale doritos after reading some forums, I figured I’d preach the word:
- The trailer features Ave Maria, which was also featured in Hitman: Blood Money. It’s NOT original from the game. You know what, it was also in Cowboy Bebop so I suppose Jesper Kyd stole it from Yoko Kanno, right?
- The guns are wrong, the guns are wrong, who gives a shit about the design of the guns being perfect? Be happy they didn’t mess up the Hitman logo that plays every 3 seconds in between all the religious shit!
- I agree that Vin Diesel wouldn’t be good for the role but I think you retards hate him for the sake of doing so. Statham, however, would NOT be the perfect 47. He’s too cool, too loud, has a mean swagger, means motherfucking business. 47’s top priority under getting the job done is to not be seen.
- Have you seen Timothy Olyphant act? Ok, you did. Was it good? Oh, it was? Then stop bitching… But you insist he’s got a baby face? Well, stop whining, because I think he looks good. I mean, if you wanted a guy to really look the part, then why didn’t you protest in favor of Mark-Paul Gosselaar? Think about it.
Really, people.
Well, now that I’ve learned you something, it’s time for me to jump in the pool. Here’s what I think sucks about the trailer. First of all, the aforementioned religious shit. There’s no reason I can think of to make Hitman something to relate to on a spiritual level unless Fox thought they’d catch flack for hosting a badass 2002 movie in 2008 if they didn’t put a little Changing Lanes in there. But Changing Lanes sucked. Imho, the church stuff is undercooked Wellington on an otherwise stylish and well-done plate, especially if you’ve played all but the first game (even though I haven’t met a single person who has). Second of all, I see some sexy times in there. Naughty, naughty, what’s that doing in my Hitman movie? 47 better -_- through the whole thing, that’s all I gotta say. However, that won’t happen. You know it, I know it, he’ll get into the objective. That raises a concern: will Olyphant be able to suppress his emotions and play a straight 47 even during and after his silverballers get polished… or will that not be a concern at all if the script introduces a caring Agent 47? …which is a concern…
There I go, reading too much into things. I’m gonna go get the script to Hitman, though, so I can figure out if I nailed it or not. Spoliers? Bah! If I’m reading it all from start to finish, it’s like I’m looking forward to watching a movie based on something I read. Really, people.
